She Wolf Pack

Last Friday, I couldn’t take it any more.  Sean was working a trade in addition to his shift and I was not about to stay home for another weekend alone. So, I packed a bag, threw the kids in the car and drove to Idaho to see my sister.  Crazy I am not. My kids are the world’s greatest road trippers.  Lucy sang for the better part of 4 hours and Jack totally impressed me with his knowledge of road-kill and natural land formations.  I realize that in my last post, I sounded really negative, but I’m not sorry.  Being married to a public servant causes you to experience emotions on an entirely different level.  Being married to a fire fighter is a lifestyle and you’re on your own sometimes for long stretches and it wears on you, at least it wears on me.   

While I was driving, I had a lot of time to think.  I literally didn’t have a worry in the world except what my sister would cook for dinner. It was glorious.  It was so refreshing to just be with my kids, really be with them and to drive. We had a great weekend with my sister and her boyfriend and I know you’re all wondering what she cooked for dinner, it was spaghetti and it was delicious.   

I find that when I’m in the throws of the week, working and playing mom and wife, I sometimes lose track of what’s important in my life, what really matters.  And what really matters are my kids, and Sean.  My family. Being with them and being present. That being said, there’s another piece that’s important, I would say vital to making it through this life and that piece is friends.  

Today, my Yogi Tea said “Recognize that the other person is you.” I think you can interpret this any way you like, however I took it to mean that the qualities I like in Sean, or any other person for that matter are qualities that I have myself or strive to have.  Conversely, the qualities I don’t like so much are also vices that I possess.   As I’m moving through this life, I’ve come to realize that friendships are a vital piece of survival. I’m not talking about my Facebook friends, although some of you apply, I’m talking about the women in my life that I am connected to.  The women in my life that replenish me.  The women who possess all of the qualities I have or wish I had. They have a shared sense of sensibility and the qualities I find in them, remind me daily of who I want to become.  I’ll bet you’d like to know their names, but I couldn’t possibly spread their names all over the internet, so I’ll give you a hint, the letters in their names can be found throughout this blog post.  There are so many wonderful ladies in my life I could write about each of them for hours, especially my own mom and sister,  but for the sake of not fleshing out this blog post, I’ll just tell you about a few of them.

Let’s start with an old one.  I’ll call her Blondie. I met Blondie when I was a sophomore in high school.  We starred in “Little Woman” together and as far as we are concerned (I know I speak for her) we should’ve won an Oscar. We’ve had many adventures together, but one of my favorite memories was driving around Salt Lake City and Riverton in her topless, red Jeep Wrangler. We continuously listened to Jay-Z and Jermaine Dupri’s “Money Ain’t A Thang” like two white girls who were experiencing life for the first time.  We’ve remained friends for over 16 years.  The thing that I love most about Blondie is that we can go long periods of time without talking and pick up where we left off.  If I have big news, she’s one of the first people to know. If I see some really HIGH “Utah Hair” She’s the first one to receive my over-the-shoulder-top-secret text with a picture attached.  She is an exceptional marketing consultant and she knows “what all the kids are saying these days.”  Blondie will validate me in any decision or with any dilemma; she’s always on my side and I appreciate her presence in my life.

 

Next up, another lady I’ve been friends with for over 16 years. I’ll call her BMWJ.  Our story begins in sophomore English class.  We hated each other.  Like literally. I don’t remember specifics but we were definitely two Type-A personalities that wanted the attention of the room.  As I recall, the day we became friends was the day a boy in our class sneezed so hard he tipped his desk over and fell out.  We were the only two people who laughed.  I can’t remember if that boy got hurt or not…but it doesn’t matter.  We’ve been friends ever since.  BMWJ was actually Sean’s date to prom when I went with his best friend and her parents and my parents are dear friends to this day.  She and her family hold a special place in my heart; they are friends who have become my family.  The thing that I love most about BMWJ is that I always know where I stand.  She is a woman who isn’t afraid to tell you what she thinks and backs it up with facts.  She is also one of the few people in my life who can tell me when I’m being a crazy person.  I love and hate that she calls me out sometimes; I need it and I appreciate it more than she knows.  BMWJ is my sounding board.  If I need advice with anything, she’s one of the first people I call because she is able to approach everything factually.  She lays out the pros and cons and helps me to process.  I’m currently working on getting her to have some those tough conversations for me.  There is nothing that fills my soul as much as a camping trip with BMWJ and it’s not because we have an ongoing competition on whose feet will be the dirtiest (she always wins) it’s because we are together with no obligations except to finish the vodka and Fresca we’re drinking.

I met D&T through BMWJ.  They happen to be sisters and they happen to be awesome.  These two are kind and funny and have a unique outlook on life. The thing that I love best about D&T is their ability to be free.  If things don’t go according to plan, they’re flexible.  They are the women who go with the flow.  Anyone who knows me well knows that I am anxious and I have a hard time when things change and don’t go according to plan.  D&T help calm my soul. We can also go long periods of time without talking but if ever I need a calming presence, these are my go to girls.

The ladies that I work with are also incredible.  I spend more time with them than my family. They lift me up at my weakest moments.  They understand what it feels like to be a full-time working mom.  They’ve seen me cry, walked with me through the guilt and covered for me when I’ve had to leave to take care of the kids when Sean is on shift and they are fabulous BUNCO players.  The person at work who is also my mentor, I’ll call her JBG (Jolly Blonde Giant) has made the greatest impact on me professionally.  JBG talks me off of the proverbial ledge when my census is in the toilet.  She walks me through talking points for difficult conversations I have to have and routinely brushes my hair when I need it. She has helped me to become better at my career than I ever thought possible.

Lastly, I can’t forget my fellow fire wives.  I love them all.  They understand this life. They understand what it’s like to be alone.  They understand what it’s like not knowing if your husband is coming home in the morning.  Our husbands are partners and friends and naturally we’ve become partners and friends.  If any of them needed me for anything I would drop whatever I’m doing to help them; just like they would do the same for me. These are my people.

 

What I’m getting at with all of this ladies (and gentlemen) is that you have to have good friends in your life.  You have to have people you can call when you need someone to talk to.  You have to surround yourself with people who lift you up and push you to be better. I am so lucky to be surrounded by these ladies.  It’s just a bonus that they’re really fun and that we have a great time when we’re together.  If I didn’t have these ladies and all of the other ladies in my life, I would feel alone, I think we all would. You fill a place in my heart that Sean can’t.  Without you, there is no way I would make it through the challenges of life and being alone when Sean is on shift.  You all replenish me.  You make me want to be a better person.  You possess the qualities that I strive to have.  Quite simply, I don’t know what I would do without you.