Do you ever have days where you feel like you’re nailing it
as a parent? Days when your kids are awake and ready for the day, breakfast
eaten, looking like children from a Gap ad?
Those days when everyone had a great day at school and work, the kids eat all of their dinner, cleared
their plates and didn’t fight once about bedtime. It’s awesome! This happens in
my life about 30% of the time, minus the Gap ad clothing/hair. (I love making
up statistics and imagining my children dressed like Gap models.) Then there
are the days when you are NOT nailing it.
Baths were skipped the night before because homework had to be done and
I was in high heels until 8 pm and Sean was on shift. There may be some dog pee on the carpet,
something is burning on the stove and the kids are slightly smelly and have
been crying since the minute you picked them up from daycare. Seriously. This happens. (see below)
At the time this video was taken, all I could do was laugh, despite the fact my son was choking on a Frito. You can’t win them all. This is my life about 10% of the time. The other 60% of the time we’re just moving blissfully through, waking up, going to work, eating dinner, throwing in some baseball, dance and Taekwondo…the occasional glass of wine for mom and then to bed. Everyone tells me that I’ll want these days back. I know I will. It’s funny that these things rarely happen when Sean is home. He brings a calm to our house and the kids are more relaxed. I’m anxious and I clearly make my kids a little anxious too. I’m working on it. Thankfully I have a supportive partner. One of the most common challenges I see and hear from my fellow wives, and all wives for that matter are scheduling issues. My life is a constant juggle of four schedules. We literally have something going on almost 7 days a week. If I didn’t have Sean and my parents and in-law’s to help me I would be totally lost. No joke. They are the best. If I get stuck at work on one of Sean’s shift days, they are all just a phone call away and have come to my rescue more times than I can count. One of the things that helps Sean and I the most is our weekly “Staff Meeting.” I know it sounds neurotic but hear me out. We have one day a week, and it changes based on his schedule, where we talk about the upcoming week and who is taking which kid where and any extra things we have going on and I put it on a calendar on the fridge. Ask Sean. My calendar is the truth. If something isn’t on that calendar, he never told me about it. J It sounds sort of rigid but it’s so helpful when we’re moving through a busy week and everyone knows what to expect. Plus, it’s a really cute calendar and I feel like it deserves to be looked at.
I’m not a great
sharer of my relationship with Sean for a few reasons. First, we’re happy. I don’t need to blast out
how much I love my “hubby” (please stop using this word. It’s not cute) on social media, I tell him
every day. To his face and he does the same for me. He makes me feel like I’m the only girl in
the world ( I know, gross.) Second,
We’re a great team. If I drop the ball,
he’s there to pick it up. I don’t even have to tell him. Take this morning for
example, Sean picked Jack up from his afterschool program last Friday and had his Taekwondo bag in his truck. This morning, Sean is back on shift and I get to Jack’s place and
realize I forgot to throw his bag in the car. Then, I remember that Sean is back on shift and I'm trying to figure out a way to tell Jack and when I looked to see if it
would somehow magically appear, there it was. Sean put it there. It’s a small
thing but it makes a huge difference for me on a busy morning and for Jack who
loves routine. Thirdly, he makes it
happen. If he says he’s going to do
something, he does it. I know there are
times when he’d rather grab drinks with his friends or go duck hunting or just
sit downstairs and watch TV by himself but he doesn’t. He’s home, cooking dinner, finishing laundry,
picking up kids and meeting me so we can swap and get everyone where they need
to go. Lastly, I don’t think you really
care to know about my relationship because you have your own life and your own
relationships and I hope that you’re all busy concentrating on those instead. J
Are there times when Sean makes me crazy? Yes. It must be really nice for him though, because
I’m perfect in every way, like Mary Poppins, but dressed way better. The
important thing is that we talk to each other. If he does something I don’t like, I tell
him. If he’s acting distant, I tell him
and if he leaves his socks by the couch one more time, he’s going to have to
find a new home to live in. Seriously
though, fire wives and partners and all wives and firemen too for that matter, don’t be afraid
to speak your mind. Stand up for
yourself and let your partner know when you need support or help or if you need
a minute to step outside because your kids have been possessed (reference the
video above.) I can’t stress the importance of communication enough. Sometimes
it’s hard. Sometimes I feel really uncomfortable doing it but I do it anyway.
He needs to hear it and sometimes, so do I.
I expect him to tell me when something isn’t working,
or when he needs support or help or a break.
We’re not roommates, we’re married and this is one of the ways we make
it work. Early on in our marriage I told
Sean that I needed him to clean the house before he went on shift because it
would help me when he was away. I asked
once. I’ve never had to ask again. It’s always done. He is the kind of partner
you deserve to have in your life, you can’t be afraid to ask for what you want,
men are not mind readers, I mean they can barely get all of their urine in the
toilet…
We are not perfect. In fact, we are far from it. We’re just making all of this up as we go
along. Will we pay for our children's therapy? Most likely . For now, we have each other and the kids
and probably some dog pee on the carpet but life is what you make it and we
choose to make it good.
